


Excerpts from the diaries of_

by A_Vogelchen



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Madoka AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 09:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16405586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Vogelchen/pseuds/A_Vogelchen
Summary: People like to say (that) nobody's the villain in their own story.Obviously, they lie.~Mou/Pep ficlets.





	1. To fall. In Loving.

**Author's Note:**

> All the ideas I have from Mou and Pep fics. To be finished at some point.
> 
> The title comes from laisah's and Shiinamota-P homonym song.

Losing matches was never good nor easy. 

The power of being the one to guide and order around was also the responsibility of thinking to be the one who failed the most. Pep Guardiola had been pretty passionate about failure and loss since he was a captain —long lost melancholic memories in the Barcelona's sunset. Detached looks in crowded locker rooms, feeling the weight of the captain band drowning him in momentary despair— and being a manager apparently only made it worse. Took the disappointment farther.

 

The thing, he finally understood, was sheer distress and impotence. José's outbursts and displays of pure frustration finally helped him reach a realization when Pep first stood alone in the pitch. A loss in his shoulders and the press on his toes. 

He had tried to fool himself, thinking reporters wouldn't get him and yet they had. And so, he had had to deal with his fair share of guilt.

He remembered the loneliness of the first big time. Words stuck deep in his throat, thoughts of "What if...?" in lines one after another; smiling politely at the silver medals; camera flashes from the waves of journalists; getting interviewed, "How does it feel to be the winner of the sub-championship?"

The company was a recent thing, and to say he was delighted was the least he could do.

 

Because even if having José stroke his head tenderly while sharing a mutual silence didn't change the facts or the pain, it certainly made it easier to forget.

 

And Pep knew it worked both ways. So he stood in silence, letting José be angry and mad and to stay alone for as long as he needed it. Mourinho usually didn't let anyone see him when in anger —besides Rui, and he was used to it—, but now he lived with Pep and hiding was useless and took more effort than he was willing to give.

 

So they stayed in different rooms, for short periods of time.

 

In the end, the Portuguese was the one who gave up and searched for him first.

 

He'll enter the living room —where Pep would be reading a book, letting the TV voices be nothing but a soothing noise— moving so slowly and carefully than more often than not Pep wouldn't notice him until he sat down.

Apologies never meet his mouth, but he looked at Pep with his eyes showing his soul bare and reached like the Catalan was the only one who could console him while saying "Josep..." in a low tone and leaned just right for a chaste kiss.

Pep would always answer "it's ok" and let José rest his head on the soft warmness of Pep's lap.

It really was ok. He pretty much enjoyed slipping his fingers through José's fluffy hair, watching boring TV shows and old matches.

 

And it didn't matter, if it was José, he could live with that.

 

[Enjoy + watch TV.]

 

~

 

Their fights, like everything about them, could and would escalate quickly. Simple disagreements like who's turn were to wash the dishes, who forgot to write the milk on the shopping list or who left the clothes on the floor. Stuff that sometimes only took a resigned sigh and some effort to solve.

(It was never easy. But, to be honest, fighting could bring so many damn fun.)

José was known to be rough, harsh and hurtful when wished —like most of the time they were fighting—, but few people knew Pep well enough to say he did too, just in a more sporadic lapse. In a more explosive way.

And he prided himself in being calm and collected. So, when they were fighting he was the one to give in first. 

 

"It's enough, José. Let's go to sleep"

 

 

Strong screaming was not common —not as snarky remarks and hurtful retorts—. They sought themselves in being the best, and that meant leaving the worst stings and reopening the deepest scars.

(They didn't lie. It never crossed their minds to lie; why would they do so with the much interesting perspective of a hurtful truth; between them faking was deemed useless.)

Fighting also joined then tighter. It forced them to swallow their feelings of pride and apologize —never in a common way, never with "I'm sorry"— or to let the other win. 

 

So they fought. And were mean and hurtful. Ignoring each other for days, hiding in the inexistent depths of the small house.

 

And they came back looking, longing. Once and once again. They sat together and wordlessly approached the other for what seemed hours. Started at all the little details from the living room hoping for a word to be spoken.

 

"Pep, I—"

"José, would you mind opening the window?

 

The Portuguese nodded, expression changing for a grin. It was done, all forgotten. He silently stood and walked forward to the open frames.

 

 

Pep liked the invisible control of being the one to give in.

 

 

[Mind + open the window.]

 

~


	2. Puer Magi Josep Magiko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In some of the old, very old kink meme I found the Madoka AU prompt. 
> 
> It seemed like a nice opportunity.
> 
> (Part one of four, I think)
> 
> (characters portrayed are more or less 15 years old.)

Pep wants to hate this new guy. This magical boy.

 

He's pretentious and smug and he's pretty sure Jürgen already dislikes him. Perhaps Mauricio did too.  
But Pep can only wonder if he's a witch already.

 

[Which he is not, as he still has control over his powers and a soul gem]

 

The first question he asks is "What did you wish for?" But the guy, whose name he still didn't know, just looks at him with what seems to be tired eyes, like wishing to tell a secret Pep's not ready to understand. The air wanders between them and the Catalan wants to get closer, he is curious and not afraid. But the boy is. His body is shaking just a bit and he won't meet Pep's eyes anymore. He mutters something inaudible to Pep's ears and his silhouette runs away in the darkness, leaving nothing but a dark crimson tail.

 

Mauricio and Lucho arrive shortly after he leaves. They question him but Pep can't speak, he can't think in anything but the boy. He wants to meet him again, perhaps ask for his name instead of his life. There's an invisible link between them and even if he can't remember, Pep is sure they've met before.

 

 

That night he dreams of an unnamed person who asks him why he did it while grabbing his shoulders in despair. But everything is forgotten as soon as he opens his eyes.

 

***

 

When Pep met Jürgen the idea of being a magical boy seemed stupid. The clothes are nice but weird and the notion of suddenly gaining powers is laughable, but then he met The Incubator, an even crazier being called Van Gaal and stopped caring and started longing for it.

At first, he doesn't have a wish. What can he ask for if his life is not bad at all?

He sees Lucho asking for a beloved one to be all right. He doesn't know the guy, haven't even seen him but he knows Luis must really love him; love him enough to give such an opportunity away. Lucho doesn't seem to care, he's happy after that. He fights witches with Poch gladly and talks about this mysterious guy as if he hung the moon.

He's clearly in love, has been for a long while. The story unfolds slowly, Pep and Poch asking for more and more details. Luis eventually gives in, and Pep understands his wish, the calmness it brought him and how the guy didn't know anything about Lucho being his savior. How Luis is happy just to see him well again.

Love is hurtful, and Pep's glad he doesn't have anyone to love. Not in a romantical way at least.

 

***

 

The Incubator asks for his wish and Pep's willing but still doesn't have one. He says "not yet" in hopes of gaining more time. The thing keeps pressuring him but relents when Pep agrees to think again.

 

***

 

Mauricio Pochettino. Mauricio. Poch. 

 

His name is nice to say and listen. He's calm and exciting, he's a humble listener and an avid talker. Pep likes to go with him and watch him kill witches alone when Lucho is too busy or not available. 

 

They'll walk together to Poch's flat afterward and the Argentinian would lend him a cup of mate. Only for the Catalan to ask for some alfajores, in an attempt to sweeten the bitter drink. It was a routine; when Lucho fought alongside Poch he would come with them and cook delicious meals. Pep would eat and talk and forget he had a wish to think in for a while.

And Poch —when he had finally become Poch— would let them stay late and sometimes stay in, without complaining. Pep wants to know his history, he's always been curious like that, but he can't get his friend to talk about it at all. They know he was born in Murphy, Argentina that he left the country being a youngster and that he has —had?— a brother. 

 

They also know he is younger than them, even if he's also calmer and extremely more mature, but Poch won't tell them his exact age. Or his birthday.

 

Pep thinks all the mystery is pointless and stupid. He's not gonna do anything bad with the information, he just wants to buy Poch a nice gift and drag Lucho into cooking an amazing cake, but Poch won't say a thing.

In the end, he and Luis decide a date on their own account. It's something frustrating and desperate but when they tell Poch and he laughs and looks at them with warm, calm eyes and tells them they needn't have bothered. And everything is worth it for that single smile.

 

***

 

Pep's dreams —nightmares?— become a regular burden. He slowly remembers more and more about them, and that's not a good thing. Even if Pep wants it to be.

There's always the same boy following him. Asking him to stop, to not do it —do what?— to not leave him—where did he go to?—.

There are nights when Josep wakes up desperate. Feeling like he just avoids dead, with his mind anxiously waiting for an invisible enemy, his body covered in cold sweat. He stares at the ceiling, attempting to keep his breath even and being unable to go to sleep again.

 

***

 

Perhaps Jürgen is the biggest enigma of them all. 

He's energetic and loud and so damn happy. He can be screaming at you from the bottom of his lungs and not mean a single bad thing at it. He can change from Energy Tornado to a Very Calm Person in a question of seconds, Pep likes him but has this idea that Jürgen is just putting on a front, hiding more than what he lets people see.

His way to hide things is appearing to not be hiding at all. He talks about everything that happens in his normal life but speaks so little about what he thinks himself. Pep knows the German likes football and screaming at his favorite team —Liverpool of all teams— for every mistake they ever made but still doesn't know why Jürgen follows them. Why an English and not a German team? Pep also knows he hates formal suits and will only use them if there are hard enough consequences to make him think about it. Yet he can only wonder how he can fight so damn well when he sees him wearing his battle suit. 

A battle suit that has yellow of all colors. Electric yellow and black unlike his light blue eyes or Liverpool's bright red.

It's when they finish their normal fight time —only for Jürgen, Lucho and Poch— that Pep allows himself to ask him "Why are you in England?"

The answer is everything he already expects and something completely different. Kloppo talks about wanting a change, the opportunities that England can bring —had brought— to him, the change of pace, a chance to polish and sharp his English.

 

It's a standard answer and it doesn't say anything about him. Pep says "yes" and "ohhh" and "I see" from time to time, only to fill the already dead conversation. 

 

He's sure Kloppo knows he's not paying attention anymore. But none of them say anything to that.

 

***

 

Even if he's not a magical boy, Pep knows how it works. 

He gets a wish, whatever he can think of, to be fulfilled and then he gets a soul gem. It gives him powers —a crazy outfit— and a weapon of his choice. He uses that to fight against witches but fighting needs energy and using energy stains the soul gem. It doesn't matter, tho. It can be cleared with a grief seed. Which are collected from killing witches.

It's a nice cycle.

The only thing Pep needs it's a worthy wish.

 

Something he can't bring himself to think.

 

Yet

 

***

Pep hasn't told his friends about the dreams or his continuous thoughts about the mysterious guy. It's something private, he wants to think. He still goes with them and watches them kill one witch after another, and takes cooking lessons from Lucho and steals alfajores from Poch. His life changed so little outside his head that he's constantly asking himself if the guy exists at all.

 

***

 

They all know Jürgen is explosive. He's not a bad person by any means but he can be. He's sarcastic and not afraid to use that power against whomever he thinks he needs to. Which is kind of the problem.

Jürgen is also their senior by at least five years. He's meant to be the experienced one and the one who would protect them, and it's not like Lucho and Poch need to be protected, but he does. Until he can fight witches Pep needs to be guarded from them. And that's not a problem for Kloppo. 

Until today.

"May I fucking know what were you _thinking_!? You know Guardiola, you fucking know how dangerous is out there!" Even with the screaming, the blonde holds him in his arms tightly. If not for the discussion Pep would disagree with being carried like a princess, but that's the last of his problems now. "If you want to be helpful stay away!" He screams before leaving Pep alone.

 

It's his fault. Pep knows it's his fault to try to fight when he's useless. But he can't help it. 

 

He's suddenly not alone. The Incubator is there.

 

"You could be helpful, you know. If you become a magical boy"

 

He's tempted. He feels the wish to shut up Jürgen, to stop Poch pity stares, to be an equal to Lucho again. He's hungry for power and wishes it.

 

 

"Leave him alone!"

 

Another voice. The Catalan knows that voice, he's longed for it, imagined it, dreamt with it. He's captivated. And so, he turns, wishing to know who his mystery guy is.

 

"Your wish, Josep. Tell me your wish!" 

 

Pep looks at the guy, but it's too fucking dark and he only knows he's small and has nice hair. 

 

"Go away! He's not your friend!"

 

_No_ Pep wants to say. _You're wrong. He's not bad, he's helping us._ But it doesn't matter.

Suddenly he's being lifted again. He fights as he wants to get closer to the guy, but the arms that are holding him are strong and he loses quickly. 

He thinks in his voice, su jodida voz. It's low and imponent and he understands a hard accent, but can't make it from where is it from.

 

He listens Poch's telling him not to sleep but decides it's been enough for a night and calls it quits. 

The world gets dark as he listens over and over again.

 

_"Leave him alone!"_

 

(What he didn't see was Lucho missing his soul gem, falling unconscious after getting too far from it. Jürgen falling in panic and Poch being the one who holds them together and kills the witch.

The one who goes for Pep and inadvertently leads the strange figure away.)

 

***

 

Pep is awoken by the knocking in the door. He listens as someone —Poch? Lucho?— stands and goes to open. He unwillingly opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling. He listens Poch's voice ask "Who's there?"

 

And a calm answer. "I've got the soul gem. Open."

 

He closes his eyes again. That voice.

 

The door opens and he listens to steps. He stands up like the sofa's on fire and watches the origin of his obsession.

The guy is also looking at him. Beautiful hazel eyes staring with an immensity of feelings that hit him with the force of a truck. He's talking to Poch but Pep's had enough. He can't listen anymore, so he stares, trying to memorize him. His white tick hair uncharacteristic from what seems to be his age, his sleepless eyes, his fit but a not muscled body his tanned. He knows it's probably creepy, but he's too sleepy to care.

He gives Poch a soul gem. A red and yellow gem. It takes him a minute to catch on the conversation but then he gets it. It's Lucho's.

Poch is surprised and thankful as he accepts the gem. The guy nods and Poch asks Why. How? Pep's pretty sure he hears an answer, but can't make out what he specifically says. The guy shakes Poch's hand and turns.

He is leaving when Pep gets on his feet as fast as he can and runs to holds his hand. "Wait." He says, a bit breathless "Hi, I'm Josep Guardiola, but you can call me Pep" He smiles, he's somehow happy to see him, to feel the warmth of his hands, to smell his cologne. 

The guy smiles too, and God, he looks so handsome. His hair curling in all the right ways. "I know. The name's José Mourinho"

Pep keeps smiling, oblivious to the implication as his answer rolls out of his mouth without a second thought. "More like Mou, isn't it?"

The atmosphere is broke as Jose's eyes open in shock. Pep wants to ask what happened but the shorter guy just murmurs some goodbye and practically runs away. Leaving the Catalan watching him in disbelief as the door smashes the frame. Once the steps outside are inaudible Pep allows himself to repeat the conversation in his mind, wondering what went wrong.

 

 

 

When he turns back to the living room he notices he's alone. He silently goes upstairs and looks for Poch but can't find him, it's only until the last door is open that he sees Poch and Kloop around a sleeping Lucho. He enters and they both look at him, he blushes at the memory of abandoning them to see José, feeling guilt over not caring for Luis.

"I'm sorry. What happened?"

Jürgen sighs loudly with disappointment as Poch starts to tell the story


End file.
